There are going to be those moments in life.....those heart wrenchingly painful moments. The moments where you want to scream out loud and burst into tears and not move. There will be times when you want to rip the walls apart in anguish. And most of the time, the emotions will be influenced by situations that are not within control. But it's those moments that teach you the most about yourself. Those are those moments when you have to pull onto that thread of determination to get what you want in life. The reason this is necessary is because those horrifying moments shape your character. And in the end, your character determines your life.

The Classification Conundrum

Phylum. The word is an extremely interesting one. It rolls off the tongue with such finesse and conjures up the image of people in pristine white lab coats.It is above class and below kingdom in the taxonomic ranks. So to glide over the meaning, its a term used for classification. Biologists maybe enraged by my description here, but that's a risk I am willing to take. The very basic need for classifictaion in Homo sapiens, as can be evidenced by the term homosapiens, is the crux of this article. This compartmentalisation has many advantages-it has helped us better understand the world we live in. But of late, I believe that its dangerous to use this theory when it comes to people. The human mind tends to apply the theory of generalisation in order to "classify" people-it's our natural reaaction to try to understand people better. The result is that we end up painting people either black or white. It's difficult for us to see the grey area. Unlike a certain fields of study, where certain characteristics seen are grouped into one category,the same doesnot apply for humans. Neither does the system of netting out person with the positives and negatives of their personality.The maze of human behaviour and social interactions is a far moreintricate and complex maze. It's layered with emotions and reactions. If I were to break it down, understanding people is a case by case process and we still would not be able to apply the theory of generalisation.

True contentment does not come from external factors. It comes from an absence of regret over the past and a lack of lust for the future.

The tune

This one is a story. A story about a young girl, and like some stories the ending of this story depends on that young girl. You’ll be able to decide for yourself when you read on. It was a balmy afternoon. The sun drifted in and out of the clouds drying up the puddles of water-remains of the previous night’s downpour. She sat on a swing in the balcony, the sun shone on her delicate features and her deep eyes which were already in a land far away. Despite her age, her heart danced and sang with the innocence of a child. Like every other time, her mother often chided her for her innocence and day dreaming. Today was no exception-her mother gave a silent sigh when she realised that once again, her words had fallen on deaf ears, for the mother recognised the lost look on the young girl’s face. With a worried backward glance, the mother walked back into the house her thoughts turning fast and wild. She wondered whether her daughter would ever come to terms with the harsh realities of the world-for she knew that her child trusted far too quickly and opened up her heart far too easily. For the girl; negativity, time or indifference did not come in the picture. She welcomed all those who touched her life with open arms. Perhaps the girl’s heart and soul came from a different century altogether. In the age of technology, ulterior motives and the search for the quickest way to the top; she still enjoyed the smell of a new book, walking bare feet on the grass and believing in the purity of friendship and love for no reason other than the two words. One of her characteristics, which define this story, was her outlook on friendship. The girl believed in the ancient doctrines which governed the foundation of friendship. She believed that once made a friend was forever-no matter of time, distance or space could destroy it. She believed that you did not have to know a person for years to be a part of their “personal lives”. She did not understand the concept of social circles, cliques or the rule of the Queen Bee. And herein lay her folly. For you see, the young girl had come to speaking to a group of friends after the passage of many years. The members of the group were few but far more worldly wise than the young girl. They each had their skirmishes as young children, but as destiny plays its hand, she had drifted away from them carried forward on the tides of the present. The Queen Bee did not approve of the young girl and had spent many a year ensuring her alienation. Imagine the joy; the girl must have felt when she spoke to them again! With her trustworthy nature and childlike innocence, she rejoiced at the renewal of old friendships. But time makes a fool of the human race-for she lost touch with reality and the possibility of thoughts of a different nature flowing through another’s mind. She failed to realise that as people grow-there are many other factors that come into the bond of friendship. With each growing correspondence, her heart jumped and in that excitement she forgot the truth staring at her in the face- to these people time mattered, place mattered and distance mattered. Alas for our protagonist the truth has a knack of finding a way out, sometimes in the most unpleasant of ways. The communications started showing signs of constraint, taunts and towards the end-blatant insult. It was then that she understood that these were not the days of the old. The rules of the game had changed and she had not updated herself. She sat on the swing again, gently wiping the tears which cascaded down. Gazing around her, the setting was the same- the sun shone on her while the wind tousled her hair, it was she who had changed and she felt it. She felt sullied by the words and the insults. She wondered whether she should change the tune of the song she hummed or stop the song altogether. Her eyes fell on a magpie- the bird flew onto the edge of the branch and started humming its own little tune oblivious to the world around it and to the despair that emanated from her. Her eyes shone with unshed tears at the loss of trust and the longing for the hum through her being again. The gentle breeze calmed her-her eyes steadied and slowly allowed her thoughts the chance to wander listlessly from one subject to another. Whether the thoughts brought the music back or stopped the stopped the hum altogether – that is the only answer worth knowing.

The big monster......

I think I have always wondered about age. For many years, I was jestingly admonished about what a child I was. I was told that I would understand certain situations when I "grew up" or when I become "more mature". What was this maturity that people spoke about? How do you determine it? Is there some magical cloud that swirls around you and makes you mature or is it some sort of epiphany that you have? Personally, I have always believed in the youth of life. It is not something I assosciate with physical appearance or with age, but rather the innocence and joy that resides in our heart. But come to occasion, I do realise that there is something that creeps into our hearts like a thief at night and slits a hole through it that drains away the happiness and innocence.Its probably fear-fear of situations, current or future. The dark moster that it is, fear immobilises our mind by painting gruesome picture after picture and steals its way into our hearts until we are left gasping for breath wondering when we forgot to laugh. I think th biggest contributor to fear is the realisation that we are loosing control of the purity of our hearts and sinking. I am not going to state how one should fit in cetrain activities in the daily routine-not becasue I do not believe in the concept but rather there are already a number of articles on the subject. I realise how sufficating certain situations in life can be and at that point the easiest option would be surrender to fear and walk down the well trodden path of cynicism. However, I think one of the most important lessons in life is to fight against anything that threatens to marr you. We are taught a lot of things in schools and colleges and by our social circle of friends but perhaps the most important lessos is left out-never let fear swallow you. It is alright to be afraid but it is not to let it immobilise you. Some of us are born with a care a hang attitude while the rest of us need to conciously learn how to deal with panic and fear that arises even from the smallest situation. For the second group of people, to which I most unambiguosly fall into, this is a life lesson which has to be learnt and learnt fast. We have to learn to put a bell on this monster so that it can no longer steal up behind us noiselessly. We hve to reach into the brightest niches of our hearts and fashion a sword out of the very fabric of our hope and defend our dreams and happiness against this monster called fear. For after all, what is life without our dreams to chase and happiness in our hearts?

The moods of the month

In this article, I do not know if I am going to arrive at a conclusion. But rather, this article is more a written expression of my meandering thoughts. The month of January has come to an end, and like every end it signifies the beginning of something new. In this case, it's just another month. Or on the surface, that's how we perceive it. Just another month-just another page to turn on the calender and just another mortgage cheque to write out. But I feel there is a lot more to it than just that.The beginning of something new brings forth a gamut of emotions. You're probably wondering whether I am crazy. So let me get to the centre of my thought process. At the end of every year, 31st December to be precise,the excitement in the air is palpable. People are busy planning what to do where and, despite claims to the contrary, praying that the new year will bring forth a lot more joy and success. If you strip it down to basic facts-the 31st of December is like any other day. The sun rises and sets and the stars come out. It is we who perceive it to be special, and that's becasue of the calendrical significance of it. It signifies a fresh start, a clean slate-so pure and untouched like the dawn of the morning. The hope and joy so fresh and filled to the brim that it permeates the very air surrounding us. We draw up a list of things we want to accomplish in the year and the places we want to visit. There is a sense of elation that the whole year stretches out ahead of us and the fierceness of determination to check mark each and every item on "the list". We move through January in this daze of emotion. February brings with it a slight prick of reality-get started!!! The "ides of march" followed by April and May observe an oscillation of emotions betweeen the achievement of those goals and the humdrum of daily life. June is a significant month-ok, I admit i just said that because it's my birthday. But on another note, it is the middle of the year. We stand having gone through six months with another six months streched out ahead of us. There is a, if i may use the word, desperation to get everything in order. One curses the rain for it's disruption of those rushed activities, however we end the month with a sense of satisfaction. The list looks a lot better now-there are a lot more check marks. And as is human nature, you decide to give yourself a "break" and there are a host of festivals to entice you into doing that. November is an odd time. There exists a dual state of mind-get all those check marks or relax, enjoy festive spirit and let worry melt away. Alas, procrastination is the thief of time- and with our thoughs time runs by. It is perhaps during this time that the adage off a company encouraging us to get on with it rings loud and clear. And, thus we are back to December.By mid decemeber one gets over the melancholy of the half checked off list to contribute to the surge of emotion and celebration, thus bidding adieu to yet another year.So you see, the months have moods! Or rather, we impart our moods. I would like to add a disclaimer. This article is perhaps relatable to people like me, who carry the weight of worry on their shoulders. There are those who achieve each and every check mark by sheer determintaion or by playing it cool though the year. Either which way, the mind tends to traverse down different roads as mine has this time.

Flower or shrivel?

Here I am, back again after a short hiatus and i will readily admit that life has taken a turn to the more disappointing side-so forgive me if Isound a little too melancholy. This piece of writing is centred principally around those moments when you realise that your mother's advice was absolutely true. This is based on one of those moments that I experienced.I'll tell you what I am talking about-children. Now before you jump to conclusions, I would like to stop you right there. This is not going to be one of those passages where I ramble on about "what my mother told me about having children". In fact, it's about after that. It's about what happens to those children after one does have them. In most countries, haing a child is considered the natural order of the world. But I wonder what happens to a child after he or she is born? How is he or she brought up? What is the thought process that goes on in a parent's mind? I have receieved the answer indirectly over many years, seeing parents respond to their children, from friends and ofcourse the greatest source of information-my aunts. But the answer smacked me in the face, when I sat down to have lunch with colleagues on a working wednesday. One of my friend's-the mother of a one year old- was annoyed and frustrated. Her in laws wanted to send the child to school late or rather at an older age. The bone of contention-my friend wanted to send the child to school at the age of two. The child was born in November. So as per admission standars, she would be pushed back a year and be admitted at three with children younger than her. My friend was in a state of despair as she did not want six months of her child's life to be "wasted" and thus was frantically looking for a school that would admit her daughter at 2 and a half. her reaction left me in a very delicate situation- I did not know whether to laugh or not. The next couple of minutes was spent listening to a frenzied rant during which she did not pause to even take a breath!! Her worries were as follows: a) Her husband started school two years later than usual, and as a result they were in the same batch. b) Her daughter would waste a minimum of 6 months of her life. My reaction to the first point was to state that her husband is successful and happy in life. She looked like she wanted to punch me in the face and said her husband was never a topper. I said that all children can not top and how can 6 months of a child's life be "wasted"? She looked like she would rip my throat out and said hotly that only those who are the "best" would come first. I shut my trap at this point because of the wave of anger that threatened to over come me.How long will this go on? How long will we be concerned about coming "first" in class? I think most parents try to achieve their dreams through their children. why else would somebody care if their kid came first or not? Coming first does not guarantee success or happiness. I think it's high time that people understood the fact that every person is different, or as I like to call it "abstract", in their own way. When we used to come back home with our report cards, my parents used to say something that was so funny yet simple and true-" if everybody comes first, who will come second?" In our defence, me and my brother have not done badly.I am not going to talk about myself but as for my brother- I can proudly say he has completed his masters and is working and is happy and doing well. And, oh this was the same boy who people said would not get even 60% in the tenth grade because he played daily for four hours. I agree that every parent has dreams for their children. But pause for a moment and ask yourself- What does my child want? And it is alright if she or he does not want the same thing as you do. In life there is so much more than standing first- a lot more joy and unfortunately, many fears. Acceptance-that is the greatest strength sny person can possess, more so a parent. So here, I know many of you'll are going to ask me how dare I write such a thing? And what do I know anyway about raising a child? You are right. I don't know anything about raising children. But I do know a lot about being a child. It makes sense to hear us out. i have seen friends and cousins flower or shrivel and it has to do so much with parenting. This is one thing that we can agree on. Let me put it this way. Not all of us can be Albert Einstein. And if all of us were, we would be too busy trying to disapprove his theories!