Flower or shrivel?

Here I am, back again after a short hiatus and i will readily admit that life has taken a turn to the more disappointing side-so forgive me if Isound a little too melancholy. This piece of writing is centred principally around those moments when you realise that your mother's advice was absolutely true. This is based on one of those moments that I experienced.I'll tell you what I am talking about-children. Now before you jump to conclusions, I would like to stop you right there. This is not going to be one of those passages where I ramble on about "what my mother told me about having children". In fact, it's about after that. It's about what happens to those children after one does have them. In most countries, haing a child is considered the natural order of the world. But I wonder what happens to a child after he or she is born? How is he or she brought up? What is the thought process that goes on in a parent's mind? I have receieved the answer indirectly over many years, seeing parents respond to their children, from friends and ofcourse the greatest source of information-my aunts. But the answer smacked me in the face, when I sat down to have lunch with colleagues on a working wednesday. One of my friend's-the mother of a one year old- was annoyed and frustrated. Her in laws wanted to send the child to school late or rather at an older age. The bone of contention-my friend wanted to send the child to school at the age of two. The child was born in November. So as per admission standars, she would be pushed back a year and be admitted at three with children younger than her. My friend was in a state of despair as she did not want six months of her child's life to be "wasted" and thus was frantically looking for a school that would admit her daughter at 2 and a half. her reaction left me in a very delicate situation- I did not know whether to laugh or not. The next couple of minutes was spent listening to a frenzied rant during which she did not pause to even take a breath!! Her worries were as follows: a) Her husband started school two years later than usual, and as a result they were in the same batch. b) Her daughter would waste a minimum of 6 months of her life. My reaction to the first point was to state that her husband is successful and happy in life. She looked like she wanted to punch me in the face and said her husband was never a topper. I said that all children can not top and how can 6 months of a child's life be "wasted"? She looked like she would rip my throat out and said hotly that only those who are the "best" would come first. I shut my trap at this point because of the wave of anger that threatened to over come me.How long will this go on? How long will we be concerned about coming "first" in class? I think most parents try to achieve their dreams through their children. why else would somebody care if their kid came first or not? Coming first does not guarantee success or happiness. I think it's high time that people understood the fact that every person is different, or as I like to call it "abstract", in their own way. When we used to come back home with our report cards, my parents used to say something that was so funny yet simple and true-" if everybody comes first, who will come second?" In our defence, me and my brother have not done badly.I am not going to talk about myself but as for my brother- I can proudly say he has completed his masters and is working and is happy and doing well. And, oh this was the same boy who people said would not get even 60% in the tenth grade because he played daily for four hours. I agree that every parent has dreams for their children. But pause for a moment and ask yourself- What does my child want? And it is alright if she or he does not want the same thing as you do. In life there is so much more than standing first- a lot more joy and unfortunately, many fears. Acceptance-that is the greatest strength sny person can possess, more so a parent. So here, I know many of you'll are going to ask me how dare I write such a thing? And what do I know anyway about raising a child? You are right. I don't know anything about raising children. But I do know a lot about being a child. It makes sense to hear us out. i have seen friends and cousins flower or shrivel and it has to do so much with parenting. This is one thing that we can agree on. Let me put it this way. Not all of us can be Albert Einstein. And if all of us were, we would be too busy trying to disapprove his theories!