The irony of growing up

Growing up – It’s probably the most ironic word in the English language. I know as an opening line to my column I could not have chosen a more controversial a statement, but to the ones who have cried out foul I implore you to give me a chance to defend myself. Growing up is a stage- a stage that as an individual we are confined to for a large part of our life. A stage that as children we are keen to embrace and jump at the sound of our name being used in reference to it, but as adults we live it on a daily basis......but perhaps the funniest part is that we don’t realise it. We wonder when we will get the opportunity to arrive as people say “on the crossroads of life”. Whereas in reality we are already there, it takes us more than a couple of heartbeats to realise it and when the realisation does sink in, it fills you with a paradoxical feeling- on one side it is a though a light has been turned on in a dark room whereas on the other...... the other is where you feel like it’s a 1000 mega watt floodlight trained on you, refusing to budge and blinds you in that dark room. Oh and yes, somebody has locked the room door and thrown away the key!!!!! So why do we relish the possibility of growing up and then cringe from the reality of it? It’s because of the truth....the truth of what life actually is. The truth that growing up does not merely entail having your own credit card, purchasing your heart’s desire of shoes and video games or driving around in your shiny blue convertible. It’s about so much more than that. It’s about paying rent, saving up for the day when you might lose your job, getting along with people whose hair you feel like ripping out. But most of all, what consumes our heart and threatens to submerge us in a wave of grief is the feeling that in reality, we are all alone in this world. I don’t mean to indicate a lack of friends or family, but that each and every one of us is an INDIVIDUAL in our own right. Our joys and sorrows will be shared by the ones dearest to us but the brunt of the emotion has to be borne by each heart individually. The struggle to stand on our own feet, to leave our family and friends is a thought we both relish and fear. So what do you do as an individual when these thoughts fill your head? When it feels as though you can bear it no longer and want to fold from within and rush into your own space of inner darkness where the light cannot touch you? I believe that there is no one defined reaction to a particular situation. All of us go through the same problems in different forms and our reactions will be as distinct as our personalities. But there is one commonality, the strong unwavering vision of exactly what you want. Realise that there is no harm in rushing into your inner depth for comfort. We all need to blank the world out sometimes before we can allow the light to flood into it again. The only person who can decide about a situation is you. Let the sorrow that you fear so much wash over you.....because once you allow it to, you will realise that you have come out the winner ,that the consequences are not that bad and however harsh the light is it will still guide you in a definite direction once your eyes adjust.

We live in a strange, strange world. Every morning we pick up the newspaper and read about some natural calamity and it's all linked to one base- global warming. It's a world that is supposed to strike fear in our hearts because if findings are to be believed; global warming threatens are very survival. It signifies the end of everything that we have worked hard to build over the centuries. Despite all this; we pay no attention to the threat. We read the articles and the statistics and flip the page of the paper to read about other "interesting news". In the back of our heads we are all probably thinking about how we need to make changes to save the environment.......and how we will start making the change "tomorrow", or some of us just label it as "mindless statistics". If we were to go to the root of this mind set, there is only one answer or emotion that responds-greed. We live in a world fuelled by greed. Greed to have more money, greed to own a bigger house or a bigger car or greed to achieve "something", that will prove our worth to the people around us. Because is that not what we have learnt from the time we were children? The need to impress to attain the respect and attention of society? Hey I am not saying we should not go out and achieve our dreams. I am all for it. Remember the saying "Drops of water make an ocean"? We would hear it in school on a daily basis when our parents wanted us to study on a daily basis instead of attempting to cram a 300 page textbook in our heads one day before the exam. Of course as impudent little children we would dismiss it as our parents being "boring", but here's the funny thing-it works!!!! You'll must be impatient by now to hear the analogy I'm trying to draw, so let me cut to the chase. There are millions of us on this planet-many have left and there are many more to come. What if each of us made a conscious decision to become a drop? We as the human race would become a huge ocean- an ocean of change. But this change would be a positive change- a change not only to protect and preserve the nature but also ourselves. Let us use the technology and progress that we have so long coveted to preserve nature and not use it to stand in the midst of ruin and ultimately be wiped off the face of the planet ourselves. We are all aware that we must do something to remedy the wrong or in other words "cut our losses", but we are willing to do so only after we buy a bigger , a bigger car or get the coveted corner office. We want global warming to hold off it's destruction until we achieve our dreams and as long as our near and dear ones are safe. I am not going to sit here and give a sermon about how technology is bad and we should resist the its evil claws of destruction. Technology is good. It has helped us save lives. I realise here that I have used the word "change" and I want to admit that the word can have different connotations. But are we not the ones who have induced the negative aspect of change. Let's all just pause here for a minute and imagine the house and the car and the office- we are so focused on the main theme that we do not notice the surrounding. People reach the pinnacle of success and desire to go back and live a peaceful life in the calm of nature. Where as there are those who that are already working hard to leave it and then lament on what they have left behind. It is a classic case of the grass being greener, but the question is what if there is no lush grass to be greener?

The Conversation

The incident took place on a hot summer afternoon as I was strolling down a hill, on my way home. The sun was blistering overhead, but I was well protected from its harsh rays by the huge banyan trees that lined the paved street. The vast shade of the age-old trees formed a protective covering, filtering the sun’s rays as they touched my shoulders in green-yellow hues. A slight breeze swayed their boughs as the wind intertwined between the locks of my hair. It was an ideal afternoon- an afternoon of bliss, joy and calm. And it gave me an opportunity to drift off into my mind’s palace as my heart danced to the tunes of the chirping birds. I was oblivious to the world around me.
My reverie was interrupted by two loud voices drifting down the street-as I focused I saw two girls, not more than 15; what was appalling was not the decibel of their tones but rather the subject of their conversation. One of the girls was proclaiming about her “crazy teacher in college” and her problems with her 4th and 5th boyfriend. The conversation ended with-" I sometimes feel like killing myself”
What might have not seemed worthy of attention to a passer-by, left me speechless and shattered the windows of the fortress I was off dreaming in.
Does the word “life” have so little meaning now? What can be so huge that can make somebody say that?
I came to the conclusion that people might have a misconception about the so-called “problems”. Don’t get me wrong-I under no circumstance claim to have found an answer to the mystery behind the word “life”. I merely desire to make an observation on the attitude prevailing nowadays.People run away at the slightest hint of a problem-be it at work, with their friends, family or their companion. The divorce and suicide rates seem to be inching upwards. This is how I perceive it----
You are always going to have problems. It is the problems that make you cherish joy to a greater extent. You dance around and enjoy the reds, yellows and oranges of spring even more after enduring the biting frost of winter. You don’t welcome it by running away to another country till winter passes. Let’s give the people in our life a chance; let’s sit down like rational human beings and work through our problems; let’s look at things from a different perspective. You only emerge stronger and in more instances than not, at peace with yourself.
“LE BONHEUR EST UNE CHOISI”- Happiness is a choice. It is a state of mind. You can find it only within yourself; it’s yours if you choose to. You can be happy even in the worst crisis; it does not make the situation go away but gives you the strength to face it. People who have not even got their driver’s license walk around with the weight of the world on their shoulders. According to me, a situation should be looked upon as an enriching experience – Don’t smell fear and run off. I am going to end on a satirical note by saying
“What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”.

Midas Touch

Talent- It is a word that commands a lot of respect and awe. It creates an illusion of power around that individual- a power akin to the “golden touch”. We believe that a talented person has the Midas touch, is capable of great things and immediately mount them on a pedestal. I was of the same opinion, until recently. I got to thinking...... Every individual is special, unique; different in their own way. Every individual possesses “talent” in some form or the other. Then the question arises “why is it that only some people achieve greatness while the majority of the world lives in the shadow of it, meandering through their lives not really knowing neither what they want out of it nor what they are talented at.
There was a story I read sometime ago- A man on reaching heaven notices a forlorn young man sitting downcast. On asking an angel who the gentleman was, the angel replied that the young man was the greatest general who has ever lived. But nobody had ever heard of his name, when questioned about this the angel replied that he would have been the greatest general- had he become one. It gets us thinking. A lot of us are talented in our own unique way...then why do we spend our lives searching for that source of happiness in others rather than ourselves? There is a book called “Talent is never enough”. Over time it has become one of my favourites and a great source of inspiration.
Deep down inside all of us know what we are good at, and that is what brings us joy; it adds meaning to our life. It fills it with vibrant colours and in an ironical sense, affords us a breath of serenity. To be talented is one thing, to fulfil your talent is another. It requires you to discover yourself and possess the confidence to move ahead. A lot of us are scared- of what we really are and sometimes even what we are good at. We wait for various stages, for conditions and circumstances to be fulfilled. But we forget one thing;
This is our life, here, right now. It does not wait for you to get back on your feet or to realize that courage and hard work are the essential ingredients to concote our version of the “Midas touch”. As it was rightly said by Ivan Turgenev:
“If we wait for the moment when everything, absolutely everything is ready, we shall never begin”.
Talent is an ingredient in the recipe, it is not the final product that brings a smile onto your face. Talent definitely will take you places, but it will only provide you an introduction to the journey-it is not the vehicle that allows you to reach your destination. Talent for sure is of utmost value; but only if you use it. There have been numerous instances where people possessing the talent and potential have not fared as well as people whose key ingredient is hard work and self-belief. It takes belief in the talent that you possess to power the journey. As a child, I always believed that if you were talented, you were not required to work hard. But i was sorely mistaken... There are a lot of other factors that go into making a success story. You have to believe in yourself; the courage to take the next step. Realise the talent you possess and optimize it.
It comes as a surprise to many the sense of serenity that it provides amid the chaos of the world around us.

Footprints in the sands of time

"CLONE": The word strikes as a novelty,something which modern technology has managed to achieve. An object of wonder to some, of fear to others but the underlying factor remains unchanged- an object of curiosity. To say it in layman's terms- a clone is an imitation of a human being; it is a concept that has come up in recent times.
But let us think back carefully... Has cloning not always been going on? Have people not been "imitating" others?.....They have been...We have been....As individuals we all have different mindsets, opinions, views..... personalities...but somewhere down the line, we lose our sense of identity; our sense of self. The moment we see or hear of a success story we immediately desire to march down the same path...
Why is it so?? Why are we always running to think on the same track as everybody else?
I think it is because we are afraid....afraid of being judged; of being frowned upon....of being disregarded...of being ourselves....The word "UNIQUE" is no onger considered good. People are afraid to pursue what they really desire..professionally and academically. Instead of pursuing what we love, we tend to pursue that which society and our peers demand of us to.
People seem to have forgotten the true meaning of the word "knowledge", it does not include learning by rote from a couple of pages of the textbook. It requires understanding, to be internalised....and most imporatntly, sheer passion and love for what you are doing. It is always said- You do not go looking for success, it finds you... As children we are always told to do that which we love. Every child is born a genius, the trick is to retain it....als, we lose ourselves somewhere. Success can be achieved through hardwork, but greatness-only by passion. Success limits you. It is only by breaking free of the shackles of conventional thinking;of thinking "out of the box", can we spread our wings and soar through the sky of endless oppurtunities.
If success was the only factor, perhaps today we would not have a Sachin Tendulkar or a Roger Federer. Their aim was to live their dream-playing the game they loved; it formed their life. Success found them and has led them into numerous record books. Their passion and courage allowed them to carve a niche for themselves- to leave their
"Footprints in the sands of time".
A person's life is fulfilled when they do what they love the most. Go out there and fulfill your dream. Another person's opinion is something they are entitled to and you are entitled to accept or reject. As it was once said by Eleanor Roosevelt:
"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent".

Clear Water

As a child, we all have dreams.... We are encouraged to go after them and we have many ways of expressing those dreams.... sometimes through drawings or a poem or music.... Its only as we grow up do we realize that it isn't that simple to achieve those dreams. There are difficulties on the way. But sometimes it takes experience and not realization to shrink away from the blank of naivete.An experiencce that follows realization gives one the oppurtunity to understand the meaning of the mysterious smile that cropped up on your parents face as they patted your head after listening to your "dreams". Initially, one feels shattered.....a number of questions run through your mind...... "How can people do this?" "What am I going to do now?" "What wil everybody else think of me?" At first, the answer to these questions seems impossible....
In today's world, nobody is safe from the evil of these questions. You play host to them atleast once in your life, whatever profession you are in and it is a source of stress. You experience the same shattered feeling within you when people are not honest, complaining, unappreciative. But perhaps the worst is being the victim of rumours and tale-bearing.It leads to a feeling of complete helplessness.It is then that we see and hear the evil of it all.......... there will always be somebody waiting to pull you down.In your school or college or university, its occurence is on a very micro level but it is a taste of what is to come.....Your reaction is anticipated by one and all, and inevitably.. you don't have one. A lot of feelings swim through you..those of anger, betrayal,vengence.....
But you know what, I think it is here that most people go wrong. There is a saying from one of my favourite movies Kung fu Panda:
"Your mind is like this pool of water, when it is agitated it becomes difficult to see, but whence you allow it to settle the answer becomes clear." In the essence of it, we all need to clear our minds. Let go of all the various negative feelings that threaten to engulf it. A lot of people succumb to the weight of these feelings... I think it is imporatnt to realize that what people say can't change your individual. You are doing something because you want to and because you believe in it. If the person was a friend, then they need to relearn the bonds of friendship and after the passage of time you will actually begin to feel pity for the particular individual. Their achievements in life are measured by pulling somebody else down and not throught their own worth. It's really sad if you could actually hear what such a person thought about themselves.If somebody passes around various negative tales about you... don't get affected. Don't even try and get that person in trouble.. feel pity for them and most imporatantly, don't sour the relationship.Maintain it not for anything else, but to keep the negativity away from your life. There is a saying:
"It doesn't matter what you do, the person you are screams so loudly in my ears that i can't hear anything else."
If you are true to yourself, whatever anybody says will have a very short run.So the next time you are in such a situation, step back from it, allow the stillness to return; infact after sometime you will begin to find it funny, if you have a sense of humour.The most important thing to be true to yourself and remind yourself that your life is to be lived by you and not the million unimportant people who surround you and have an opinion on it. If they were true to you they would support you; not pull you down.It is with these thoughts and not the feelings of jealousy, revenge and anger that we should set out to achieve our dreams.......